That feeling when you just don’t even know whats wrong you. Like i can be surrounded by so many people but still feel so lonely. I start getting that horrible lump on my throught and my eyes will become blurry with tears because I’m holding them back so know one can see. But I dont even know the reason why I feel like this.
It’s like I’m sinking, but I’m still triying to paddle me feet just to save me from drowning. I’m determinded not to fall deep into the ocean, but I’m struggling to swim up to the light and make it back to shaw. I’m just suspended in the middle, holding onto the ray of hope.
Confused. I don’t really know where I’m suppose to be going, but I have full faith and trust in the plans of my Lord. This all may not make sense now but it will one day.
So I popped into a shop just before going home from uni. When I was paying, the shop keeper put out his hand to give me my change, I gestered to him to put the change down on the table and I’ll take it from there. He asked me ‘Is it part of your religion to not touch men?’ Hmm had to keep this short sweet and simple. I didn’t really have all day to sit and give a long explanation as to why I simply don’t touch the opposite gender. So I narrated out the hadith that always pops into my mind when asked this question.
Prophet SAW said: “If one of you were to be stabbed in the head with an iron needle, that would be better for him than touching a woman who is not permissible for him.”
And then I said ‘I only want my husband to have the privilege of touching me.’ Gave him a smile and left. Yep so thats how I gave dawah in 3 mins.:)
Sometimes I feel as though I’m being pulled back. Pulled back maybe because of family, pulled back maybe because of the people around me, pulled back maybe because of circumstances.
At the moment I’m paddling near the shaw. Just paddling. I’ve stepped into the sea, but I still haven’t fully left the ground and I’m yet to swim towards the ocean. Oh how I wish these circumstances never existed.
I just want to sail. I want to embark upon a ship and sail towards my Beloved. Raising the flag of Tawhid, I want to sail towards You my Beloved. I want to meet a lover of Allah to accompany me on this journey. No matter how hard the storm will get, we shall hold firm on to the flag. No matter how long it takes never giving up, only in hope to arrive at the doorstep of our Lord. Venturing together towards the mansion of the stars, no looking back. I just want to sail.
Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “Islam began as a something strange and it will return to being strange, so blessed are the strangers.”
Stranger. That’s what I felt like today. I never really understood the word stranger untill today. Yes, with my hijab and my abaya I am different, but with my smile and my facial expressions the world still somehow accepts me.
I felt different today, I truly did feel like a stranger. It is as if I had fully detached myself from the world. Unfortunately we live in a world where society sets the standards we should be, wheather it be the way we dress, talk and also the way live our life. If we don’t adhere to these standards then we simply don’t fit in. So today I was alienated because I didn’t fit in.
Wearing the niqab today has really opened my eyes. You seriously won’t know how difficult it is to wear a niqab untill you’ve tried it. It’s so hard to breathe and it’s difficult to eat without dropping food all over your niqab. The struggle is for real! But the best feeling I felt today was the beauty with in that struggle. Yes it’s difficult, but knowing that my Lord will be pleased I found peace within that struggle.
I have so much respect and admiration for niqabi sisters now. Now I see why they had come to the decision to adopt the niqab. They found something better, they found fulfillment. The struggle tasted sweeter than chocolate only knowing that their Lord will reward them. What people think of them doesn’t matter, what matters to them is what their Lord thought of them. Letting go off this dunya from their hearts, they walk upon this land fully veiled as strangers, only to seek the pleasure of thier Beloved 💕.
I can not wait till the day I adopt the niqab in sha Allah. The beauty, peace and inner fufillment you feel is better than any struggle you go throw wearing it.
Listen to the silent gust of winds aligning new hills of sand. How beautiful is the creation of my Beloved. Though silent they still praise and how forgetful am I that I neglet.
But thank you old friend, for when I look at you I am reminded upon the favours I am in debt off. Reaching up to the highest point of the sky you still stay humble and paying your dues as you bow down to set leaving the trails of your colours behind.
Your loyalty I admire for you never delay, but how silly am I that I am to lazy to prostate.
Salam old friend, your departure has scheduled. We will meet again tommorow by the will of my Beloved 💕.
I thought I knew what it means to be happy. I fell into the delusion that I was always lucky. But then my world shattered, leaving the pieces of my puzzle scattered.
I took the wrong path and could no longer see. But Alhumdulillah You found me lost and guided me.
The jewels and glitter of this dunya no longer amuse me. They are nothing compared to Your love Ya Rabbi
I eagerly await five times a day, to be called to the one I obey.
Haya alal falah; Hasten to real success. The only place where my heart will find rest.
But Ya rabbi the only day I will be successful, is the day You allow me to enter into your Kingdom. The day when You will withdraw the barrier between You and me. The day You allow me to see what no eye has ever seen.
Her parents found out, told her to end it. They took her phone away, locked her up at home, she’s not allowed out anymore. She used the last phone call to call him and tell him it’s over. Her hopes, her dreams shattered in just one moment.
He’s devastated. Heart broken and the pain hurts. He sits there and cries. Why did he get himself into this mess. Had he stayed away from her, he would never have fallen to love her so much. His hopes, his dreams wiped out in just a phone call.
And so it begins the heart yearns in emptiness. Filling it now with anything it finds. Music, food or maybe even another comforter. But never is the heart satisfied, it silently sits there and cries.
There’s a reason why these ‘haram relationships’ are forbidden. It leaves us with such bad scars. It’s going to take time to get over the pain. Maybe the test hasn’t ended yet, maybe it hasn’t taught you the lesson it came to teach you.
The storm is the hardest bit to pass, its so strong that it can easily blow you away. But you have to still keep holding on tight, dont let go off yourself. For if you let go, you’ll be blown into the hurricane, twisted and turned up you’ll go. Then you’ll come crashing down into pieces that can never be put together again. Just keep telling yourself you’ll get through this. You came into this as one person, but when you come out you’ll be someone totally different to what you were.
But never forget the one who was always there when everyone else was gone. The One who held you back up when you fell. The One who cares when know one else does. The One who understands when know one else does. The One who will love you more than anyone else. The only One who can mend your broken heart. Let this bring comfort to your heart. So fill your heart with His love for He is Al Wadud (most loving) ❤